Like so many holidays celebrated in the United States, Mother’s Day seems designed to make parents and children alike feel guilty, overwhelmed, or just plain unhappy. The greeting card industry and the sellers of chocolates, jewelry, and trinkets seem to have convinced us that he who loves his mother the most, spends the most money.
Then into this commercialized climate comes the recognition that not everyone has a mother in their life (through choice or circumstance) and not every person who is biologically female wants to give birth or raise children. Many women struggle for years through infertility and frustration to become (or not become) mothers. As Unitarian Universalists, we value honoring diversity, but sometimes we can find ourselves at a loss as to how to celebrate some while not excluding, hurting, or offending others.
As parents, we need to recognize and teach our children that women who have adopted children are also mothers; so are women of all colors and ethnic backgrounds, along with women trapped by systemic poverty, and women who are legally separated from their children or incarcerated. Likewise, many of those who identify as transgender, gender-queer, or lesbian are also mothers.
Essentially by lifting up this idea of diversity in motherhood and extending the very idea of mothering beyond the idea of femininity or biology allows us to truly celebrate and honor all those who “mother” us in our lives. This may be an aunt who never gave birth to children (by choice or not) who serves this important role in your life, or the father who held your hand through life’s difficult moments (either in absence of a mother figure or as part of a family with two loving dads).
So, this Mother’s Day, remember that you have the awesome responsibility to help the next generation understand that in celebrating motherhood, all who mother deserve to be celebrated—including those who are lesbian, transgender, gender-queer, disabled, have adopted, are undocumented, or are incarcerated. You may even be able to find a card that perfect card in stores as the rest of the world catches up to us inclusive Unitarian Universalists.
